Master of None2015

Dev:
Text from my dad: "Please come and fix my iPad. Now it won't stop dinging." Does your dad always text you to fix stuff?

Brian:
I don't think my dad knows how to text. He also hates talking in person. He averages, like, three words a week.

Dev:
Our dads are so weird. I told my dad I got a callback on The Sickening.

Brian:
Oh, the black virus movie? That's great.

Dev:
Thank you. I told *him*. He's like, "Uh, okay. Can you fix my iPad?" How about, "Hey, son, great work," or, "Hey, son, I'm proud of you"?

Brian:
I have, I have never, ever heard my dad say the word "proud." It's always like, "That's it? So that's all you've done?" Like, if I went to the moon, he would honestly be like, "When are you going to Mars?"

Dev:
Yeah. "Oh, Brian, you went to the moon? That's like graduating from community college. When are you gonna graduate from Harvard. AKA, go to Pluto?"

Brian:
I just feel like Asian parents, they don't have the emotional reach to say they're proud or whatever. Have you ever hung out with a white person's parents, though? They are crazy nice. Yeah. I had dinner once with my last girlfriend's mom, and by the end of that meal, she had hugged me more times than my family has hugged me in my entire life.

Dev:
Yeah, dude, most white families, they'd be so psyched to adopt me. [cell phone honks] Aw, sh*t!