Monty Python's Flying Circus1969

[Erik Njorl, son of Frothgar, has just been sworn in]

Superintendent:
You are hereby charged: one, that you did, on or about 1126, conspire to publicise a London Borough in the course of a BBC saga; two, that you were wilfully and persistently a foreigner; three, that you conspired to do things not normally considered illegal; four, that you were caught in possession of an offensive weapon, viz., the big brown table down at the police station...

Judge:
The big brown table down at the police station?

Superintendent:
The big brown table down at the police station?

All:
Assaulting a police officer!

Prosecuting Counsel:
Call Police Constable Pan-Am.

[Pan-Am enters, randomly beating people with his truncheon]

Prosecuting Counsel:
Into the witness box, Constable, there'll be plenty of time for that later on. Now, you are Police Constable Pan-Am?

Police Constable Pan-Am:
No! I shall deny that to the last breath in my body! [superintendent gestures to him] Oh, sorry! Yes.

Prosecuting Counsel:
Police Constable, do you recognize the defendant?

Police Constable Pan-Am:
No. Never seen him before in my life.

[superintendent gestures again]

Police Constable Pan-Am:
Oh, yes, yes, he's the one. He done it. I'd recognize him anywhere! Sorry, super.

Prosecuting Counsel:
Constable, will you please tell the court in your own words what happened.

Police Constable Pan-Am:
Oh yes!

[refers to a notebook]

Police Constable Pan-Am:
I was proceeding in a northerly direction up Alitalia Street when I saw the deceased

[indicates Erik]

Police Constable Pan-Am:
standing at an upstairs window, baring her bosom at the general public. She then took off her - wait a tick. Wrong story.

Police Constable Pan-Am:
[leafs through notebook] Oh yes. There were three nuns in a railway station and the ticket inspector says to one of them ...

[superintendent gestures]

Police Constable Pan-Am:
No... anyway, I clearly saw the deceased...

Clerk:
Defendant.

Police Constable Pan-Am:
Defendant! Sorry. Sorry, super. I clearly saw the defendant... doing whatever he's accused of. Red handed! When kicked - cautioned, he said, [as if reading line by line] "It's a fair. Cop I done it all. Right no doubt about that." Then, bound as he was to the chair, he assaulted myself and three other officers while bouncing around the cell. The end.

[applause and cheering]