My Name Is Earl2005

Kay Hickey:
[Sitting in the bar with Randy] I know it was wrong. I do. But it's not like he didn't push me there. He was never home. And when he was well, let's just say your father does not know his way around a woman's body. [Randy has panic in his eye] He's got two moves: Squeeze-the-Charmin and Poke-Around-Down-There like he's trying to pop a balloon. [Gesticulating to emphasize Carl's "moves"]

Randy Hickey:
[Looking very ill] Yeah that guy sure is bad at touchin' moms. Hey, I know what might make us feel better. [Desperately trying to change the subject] Not talking about this stuff.

Kay Hickey:
[Oblivious] I mean, what do I have to do? Draw him a map of my vagina?

Randy Hickey:
[On the word: vagina. Randy flings his beer bottle over his shoulder smashing it against the wall] Oops... [Looking ill] I'll go get us more drinks. [Rushes to the bar stage left]

Kay Hickey:
Ok. I'm gonna tinkle. [Completely oblivious to Randy's distress: Kay exits the scene, stage left]

Joy Turner:
[Randy sits down at bar beside Joy] Randy, you look stressed... what's the matter, Punkin'? Any words on the menu you're stuck on?

Randy Hickey:
[Cautiously checks for eavesdroppers] If I tell you, you promise not to say anything? [Joy is suddenly very interested]

Joy Turner:
[Slamming the bathroom door against the wall, Joy enters] Well! Well! Well! [Flash to terrified Kay on toilet] Fee! Fie! Fum! Fo! I smell the stank of a stank-ass ho.

Kay Hickey:
[Bending over to look under the stall wall] Oh! God!

Joy Turner:
[Rapidly] Who's the cheatin-piece-of-trash-stumpet-who-doesn't-deserve-to-have-the-same-last-name-as-you, now! That's right. I read your Christmas letters.

Kay Hickey:
[Pitifully pleading] Leave me alone!

Joy Turner:
[Camera angle is above the stall and looking down on Kay as Joy pokes her head under the stall to confide with Kay face-to-face] I'm just saying, we might have gotten along if we'd known we both can't be satisfied by Hickey men.

Kay Hickey:
I am nothing like you! [Raises her right foot and slams her heel into Joy's face]

Joy Turner:
[Reeling in pain, Joy crumples on the bathroom floor] OW! Damn it! You got me whichyer heel!

Kay Hickey:
[Kay indignantly marches out of the stall as Joy winces in pain] Maybe I had one moment of weakness! But, You! You make cheating a lifestyle! I love my husband! He does the best he can! [Leaving Joy on the floor - Kay marches out]

Joy Turner:
[Camera pans up to the dirty bathroom mirror as the reflection of Joy's face wincing in pain slowly appears] Oh... [Lifting up her bangs reveals a bloody crescent shape in the center of her forehead] Great... [shouting] Darnell! Get me a rag! Somebody kicked me in the face in the baffroom again!