My Name Is Earl2005

Earl Hickey:
Dad said there was one other woman in town that flirted with him. The waitress at the diner. So we headed over to give him one more chance.

Carl Hickey:
[Getting out of the car] You stay here. I think those other women would have been game if I hadn't had my son with me. I think it creeped them out a little.

Earl Hickey:
[Narrating] I wan't my dad to feel better but I was hoping he wouldn't find a girl. I was also hoping he didn't get hit again because he was out of socks and I'd been wearing mine for a week.

Carl Hickey:
[Very excited heads back out to Earl waiting in the car] She's coming out as soon as she freshens up. I told you this was a slamdunk! I'm running across the street for condoms.

Earl Hickey:
Da-da-da-Dad, Dad wait! We really should talk about this. Ah- I don't know if I'm cool with this actually happening! [Yelling after Carl in the parking lot]

Earl Hickey:
[Earl his the bell tinkle and turns toward the restaurant] Patty?

Patty:
Ha-Hey Earl!

Earl Hickey:
When did you start working here?

Patty:
Oh. A couple months ago I had to pickup a second job. My hookin' took a bit of a hit when Bush [Then President Bush] monkeyed with the daylight savings schedule.

Carl Hickey:
[Carl slaps a box of condoms down on the pharmacy counter] [With a cocky jaunt of the head] I'll be needing these for use this evening with a young lady who delivers on the promises she makes with her eyes.

Diana:
I thought you needed the largest kind we had. [Snarky]

Carl Hickey:
Just ring it up, pecker-tease...

Earl Hickey:
[Back to Earl and Patty] Listen I just don't know if sex with a hooker is what my dad'd lookin for. Not that your not great... I've heard wonderful things...

Patty:
Thanks. Word of mouth is very important in my line of work. It's right up there with eye contact and concealing sores.

Carl Hickey:
[Carl approaches stage right] Hello! I see you met my son! I just had to run across the street for a few personal items. And a little something for you! [Hands Patty a heart-shaped box of candy]

Patty:
Thank you! [Patty immediately turns the candy box over] Oh, they have nuts in 'em! Oh, that's sweet but some of my clients have allergies so I need to keep this [Patty circles her mouth with her index finger] a peanut free zone. [Hands nuts back to Carl]

Earl Hickey:
Dad, Patty's a hooker.

Carl Hickey:
[In denial] No... no... no... no... No she's not she's a waitress. A waitress who flirts with me.

Patty:
Daytime hooker, nighttime waitress.

Carl Hickey:
Dammit! This was not how this was supposed to work! It's not revenge sex if I have to pay for it!

Patty:
[as Carl and Earl get into the car] If you change your mind sometimes I have coupons in the Penny Saver. It says massage, but...

Carl Hickey:
I'm not changing my mind! [Slamming car door]