Mystery Science Theater 30001988

Joel:
Okay, my little robot friends, but we only pass this way once. This is called "The Godzilla Genealogy Bop." Will you hit it, Professor Cambot? In order to know Godzilla, we've gotta look into his past.

Crow T. Robot:
You know studying genealogy is gonna be a blast!

Joel:
Ahh, you've got it, little robot pal, we're swinging into high.

Tom Servo:
C'mon, let's cut to the chase, ya couple of geeks, and get to the family tree!

Joel:
Well, it started with a nuclear blast and pets that were released.

Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo:
Oh, like baby alligators and other nasty beasts?

Joel:
The fusion reaction caused them to grow a thousand times their size.

Crow T. Robot:
Well, that explains Godzilla's attractive tail and thunderous thighs!

Joel:
Right. Now you're getting it little buddy, but now we must move on. Godzilla's not the only one to benefit from the A-Bomb.

Tom Servo:
Yeah, look! There's Auntie Ness of Scotland's loch! They were married in the spring. And their first born was Godzookie, and now we begin to sing...

Crow T. Robot:
Godzookie went to Hollywood, an agent to the stars. He had an affair with Lorna Luft and smoked those big cigars!

Tom Servo:
And out of the lusty Luft affair Ron Pearlman resulted. Hmm.

Joel:
You know, surgery was considered for him, but nobody was consulted. Oh, I did it again.

Crow T. Robot:
Then Ron met Yoko Ono and they began to spawn. A couple of hundred horrible things as green as Forest Lawn.

Tom Servo:
There they are: There's Kermit the Frog, the Swamp Thing, Hulk and Ernest Borgnine, too!

Crow T. Robot:
But Ernest Borgnine isn't green!

Tom Servo:
Well you put him on a boat and he is!

Joel, Crow T. Robot:
What?

Tom Servo:
Hey! Who's that down at the bottom, a-wallowing in his shame?

Crow T. Robot:
Oh that's just Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame.

Tom Servo:
Huh.

Joel:
To wrap it up, the worst mutation...

Crow T. Robot:
No, you don't suppose?

Tom Servo:
Oh, yes it is! The horror of horrors!

Joel, Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo:
KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!