Mystery Science Theater 30001988

Crow T. Robot:
Hmmmm. Qualified. Qualified? Hmmmm. Wow, what a question! Me, Crow T. Robot, what do I think? Am I qualified? Wow! That's a heavy burden. How can I make a difference? CAN I make a difference? Oh surely, I'm but a single bot, alone, as it were, in the vast universe thing. Maybe I can change the world.

[more positive]

Crow T. Robot:
Perhaps I've looked at life from upside down. Hmmmm. Hey Cambot! Move it in a little and, uh, cue that uh moody music. Well, what would Joel do in a situation like this? No, no, nope nope, no, uh. I've got to learn to think for myself. To stand on my own two foot-like apendages. Seize the day. Yes. Think globally, act locally. Yes, by god, I can do it! Why, I could start a letter-writing campaign, yeah, that would help. And, uh, I could organize a bake sale. Or, uh, hey! We could ALL help! Come on friends, run to your window and shout, "I'm really cheesed and I'm not gonna hang around 'till this thing gets better!" Uh, why organize a, uh, improv group and do gorilla theatre at the food court in your mall. Dress a little differently. Make it more exciting for you and your spouse. Or here's an idea: toss a little cajun spice into the party mix and watch the fun. Put on a one-man show and talk about your true inner feelings in an emotionally-charged, gut-wrenching, autobiographical account of your warped adolesence, and then watch the grant money come in. Whoooo! But don't snap judge me. And then, watch that - uh, uh, I know! Put a drop of vanilla behind each ear and you?ll smell like a cookie all day!

[Getting more excited]

Crow T. Robot:
Or, eat an apple: nature's toothbrush. Ask Mr. Owl how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie center. Have you met everyone on your block? Now would be a nice time to start, doncha think? Hmmmm. In a classroom, slide your desks together and create an ecology symbol. Police the lives of those around you and get your sensibilities way the heck outta whack! Parade up and down the street in your underwear. Impose your ideas on others! It's easy! Crush someone with an emotional word or an enigmatic look. You decide. You do it!

[Agitated]

Crow T. Robot:
I'm sick of this! I can't make a decision! I'm no good at this sort of thing!

[Quietly]

Crow T. Robot:
It's up to you. I'm passin' the buck to you. Now I've got commercial sign.

[as Dr. Smith]

Crow T. Robot:
Oh, the pain. The pain.