New Tricks2003

[last lines]

[Gerry has asked Madeleine Simmonds to identify a fossil that he has "borrowed" from one of his ex-wives, hoping that it will be worth a lot of money]

Madeleine Simmonds:
It's coprolite.

Madeleine Simmonds:
[excited] Is it?

Brian Lane:
Coprolite.

Gerry Standing:
Yeah, I own a coprolite. So between ourselves, could you give me a rough, ball-park figure of what I might hope to get for it?

Madeleine Simmonds:
Well, someone with a scatological sense of humour might offer you a few quid to have it as a conversation piece.

Gerry Standing:
[horrified] A few quid? But it's thousands of years old!

Madeleine Simmonds:
Oh yes, it's old all right, but it's not all that uncommon. Coprolite is fossilised animal dung.

Gerry Standing:
Sh*t!

Madeleine Simmonds:
Precisely.

Gerry Standing:
I don't want it.

[Gerry hands the coprolite to Brian who sniffs it]