Pets2001

Davina:
I've just had a long and emotional telephone call with my boyfriend Vince. He was press-ganged by the Peruvian Navy a couple of months ago, but he managed to jump overboard during a perfect storm off the coast of Uruguay. Now he's living with a tribe of genetically mutated pygmies in the Amazonian jungle. Some of them are over nine feet tall and they apparently treat flea-bitten tomcats like Vince as deities. Last time this happened, he came back with four foot long earlobes, a pierced scrotum and a bottom lip the size of the Hollywood Bowl! When he comes home this time, I'm going to heat up some water in a saucepan and boil the bastard in a bag. The drugs don't work, you know. They just make you worse.