Pets2001

Hamish:
Tell me, how much pain do you think you can take?

Trevor:
What's this about?

Hamish:
I thought I might start by cutting off your ear.

Trevor:
Is it to do with your arse thing?

Hamish:
Then I thought I'd smear an umbrella with extra hot chilli sauce, stick it up your dog star, open it and then pull it out very, very slowly... What do you think about that?

Trevor:
When you mention hot chilli sauce, I don't know whether to be afraid or hungry.

Hamish:
And as a pi?ce de r?sistance, I thought I'd put your bollivers in one of those little kitchen gadgets you use for cutting hard-boiled eggs into lots of very thin slices.

Trevor:
Fair enough, but what is this all about?

Hamish:
Don't pretend you don't know, you pathetic, irresponsible bag of spunk! Spitting your demon seed hither and thither with no thought of the consequences! Staining everything in your path, from kitchen carpet to carbon-based life form! I'm surprised there's anything left in you, but a pale, diluted conserve of low-protein potato water!

Trevor:
An eloquent explanation and yet I fear I am no closer to comprehending the cause for your evident distress.

Hamish:
Liar! You slipped the cat a length of doggy hosepipe and then left *me* to take the blame!