Please Like Me2013

Josh:
[to the congregation at Aunty Peg's funeral service] Hello everyone, and as most of you probably know, my Aunty Peg - Margaret - was quite, she quite liked to control things that happened, and this is no exception. So she's written her own eulogy for me to read out.

Josh:
"I've been going to church every Sunday for my entire life. For the first sixty years, it was because I believed in heaven. I was terrified of dying, of becoming nothing. I don't think I believe in heaven anymore, but after sixty years of Sunday mornings, I thought I may as well commit and hedge my bets. Also I quite enjoyed the morning tea. I've requested to be buried because I want my body to be given to nature. I want to be snacked on by plants and animals, the way that I have snacked on plants and animals throughout my life. My family, Rose and Josh, aren't ideal. Rose has pretty much been a cuckoo her whole life, and Josh has decided to become a homosexual, but they're all I've got. The two of them have taught me the most important lesson of my life, and that is that you don't love the people you love because they do what you want, but because of who they are. If you're hearing this sorry little speech, it's because I'm dead, and the terrible thing about that is that I won't be sharing my life with the two people I love most in the world, my almost daughter Rose, and my almost grandson Josh." That was her being nice... no, honestly I'm not sure. "Don't make too much fuss over my death. I finished all the good parts of my life a couple of decades ago. I'm looking forward to joining my husband Walter, whether it be in heaven, in hell, or in the bellies of maggots."