Queer as Folk2000

Michael:
...I know that guy. He works out in our gym. Ah... Blake! I think he likes you.

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
Oh, yeah, how can you tell?

Michael:
Because he's looking back.

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
Probably just stretching his neck.

Michael:
Will you listen to you?

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
What?

Michael:
Always putting yourself down!

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
Well, better me than them. I'm gentler.

Michael:
Doesn't sound like it. You know, it is possible that someone can actually like you, you know.

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
Yeah, it's possible. However, I'm sure a statistical analysis would reveal that the probability of a guy named "Blake" who looks like that, actually liking a guy named "Ted", who looks like me to be in the... point zero five percentile. In other words, practically zip. Anyway, I'm sure Brian's more his type.

Michael:
How do you know that?

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
Because Brian's everybody's type. Which explains why he's had everybody.

Michael:
Wha...

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
I know, I know. Except for you. Which is kind of weird when you think about it.

Michael:
Weird? He's my best friend!

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
So?

Michael:
So, everybody knows you don't have sex with your friends!

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
Oh, right! Sex is something you only have with complete strangers, yeah. People you will never see again - unless you just bump into him on the street. But never with someone you might actually give a sh*t about. [pause] Who made us these crazy rules, anyway, huh?

Michael:
Beats me. Let's go have a drink.

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt:
Or two or three.