Stargate SG-11997

Colonel Dave Dixon:
Yeah, all-night screaming, projectile vomiting, nuclear diapers... you have no idea. The reason they make them so damn cute is so you don't suffocate 'em in their sleep.

Senior Airman Simon Wells:
Sir, you have *four* kids.

Colonel Dave Dixon:
Yeah, why do you think I enjoy my job so much? Don't get me wrong, I love the little buggers to death, but trust me, havin' four kids makes going through a Stargate and facin' off against alien bad guys look like nothin'. This is relaxing.

Senior Airman Simon Wells:
Then why'd you have four?

Colonel Dave Dixon:
Well, one's pretty bad, but you figure you gotta have two so the little guy can have a brother or sister, right? Then you have two boys, and the wife says she want a girl so you figure "Hell, three can't be much worse than two", right? What you don't realize is your brain is fried 'cause you haven't slept. After three, four is no big deal. You're so deep in it, nothin' seems to matter any more. It's chaos. You're just tryin' to make it through each day alive. In the end you spend all the energy you have left tryin' to get 'em into bed only to lie awake prayin' they don't get hooked on drugs, hurt, or worse... wind up dead in an alley somewhere.

Senior Airman Simon Wells:
Can't wait, sir.

Colonel Dave Dixon:
Yeah, miracle of birth, my ass. I'll tell you what a miracle is, birth control that works.