That '70s Show1998

Reginald "Red" Forman:
This mall is only big enough for one Santa, Bob.

Bob Pinciotti:
Tell ya what, you name five reindeer and I'll step down.

Reginald "Red" Forman:
I can name five toes that are gonna be in your ass!

Kitty Forman:
[annoyed] Oh for goodness sake, why don't we stop calling it Christmas and call it Assmas?

Bob Pinciotti:
[gets up, sighing] Fine, I'll go. I only got worked up because Joanne's gone, Donna's working. The only people I have at home are my two friends, Egg and Nog.

[Red sighs and takes off his Santa suit]

Reginald "Red" Forman:
Alright, fine. You wanna be Santa, go ahead.

Bob Pinciotti:
[sits back] Thanks, Red.

Reginald "Red" Forman:
Yeah, it's all for the best. I've already eaten about two pounds of fake beard as it is.

[the young boy returns with a cop. He points accusingly at Bob, mistakes him for Red]

Young Boy #2:
There he is! Santa's the one that told me communists hate God.

[confused, Bob looks around]

Reginald "Red" Forman:
[smiles] Gotta go, Santa!

[Red walks away, without correcting the boy's mistake of identity]

Kitty Forman:
Merry Christmas, Bob.

[Kitty walks away]

Kitty Forman:
[mumbles angrily] Mrs. Claus needs a drink.

[the cop approaches Bob, who still does not understand what the kid accused him of]