The Colbert Report2005

Mr. Spider:
Yo, pendejo, you got something of mine.

Earl of Grantham:
Carson, is someone addressing me? [Carson presents a calling card tray to Spider]

Mr. Spider:
Oh, sorry. [places a calling card in the tray, which Carson reads]

Mr. Carson:
My Lord, a Mr. Spider to see you.

Earl of Grantham:
Ah yes. What can I do for you, my good man?

Mr. Spider:
Listen, English Muffin, where's my motherf***ing tea?

Earl of Grantham:
Thomas. [Thomas presents a brick of tea to Spider, who cuts it open, takes a sample on his pinkie finger, stirs it into a tea cup his sicario hands him, and drinks it]

Mr. Spider:
Ahhh! I'll take that sh*t with some milk!

Earl of Grantham:
Naturally... once we have been reimbursed for our efforts.

Mr. Spider:
And why should I pay you, Mary Poppins, when I already got the recipe.

Mr. Carson:
Who gave you the recipe?

Thomas Barrow:
Uh, he, he must have gotten it from Mr. Bates. I told you he was unreliable.

Earl of Grantham:
But I never gave Bates the recipe. [he and Carson reach into their jackets for guns]

Thomas Barrow:
No, wait! [gunfire ensues]