The Kids in the Hall1988

Buddy Cole:
What are the odds? I can't believe it. Here I am, stranded on a desert island. And my only supplies are my favorite book - "All About Rhoda" by Peggy Hertz from Scholastic Press. And my favorite album - Johnny Mathis and Denise Williams: "That's What Friends Are For." I always like to have an ex-lover's music around; Denise is good, too. And, for companionship, the one and only Oscar Wilde. Oscar, say something funny.

Oscar Wilde:
Shall I?

Buddy Cole:
Yes, do your stuff. Do the "Wilde" thing.

Oscar Wilde:
Well, Buddy, I recall as I laid dying in my death bed, I came out of my stupor momentarily and declared with perfect aplomb, "Either that wallpaper goes or I do!" [laughs]

Buddy Cole:
Oh, that was rich, Oscar! Oh, jeez, let me catch my breath for a second. Oh, oh, I am so glad that I brought you and not someone common.

Oscar Wilde:
Message received, Buddy. You know, Buddy, the trouble with the common man...

Buddy Cole:
Yes?

Oscar Wilde:
...is that he is so unbearably common! [laughs]

Buddy Cole:
Oh Oscar, funny, but you're such a snob.

Oscar Wilde:
Oh, that's my charm.

Buddy Cole:
Oh, oh, it's really too bad that you're dead.

Oscar Wilde:
Oh, I know.

Buddy Cole:
Does it bother you?

Oscar Wilde:
Well, you know Buddy, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. [laughs] What? Philadelphia!

Buddy Cole:
That's funny, but W.C. Fields said it.

Oscar Wilde:
Well, yes, if you had been listening to me correctly, Buddy, what you would have heard me say was, "I may have been born yesterday but I still went shopping."

Buddy Cole:
That was me.

Oscar Wilde:
Oh, yes, yes. [Coughs] Well, I seem to be getting a bit of laryngitis, Buddy. I'm afraid there'll be no more quipping today.

Buddy Cole:
Oscar, please, stop with the laryngitis nonsense. You're pathetic. You would have never lasted on television. I'll bet what you really said on your death bed was something more like, "Sh*t!"