The League of Gentlemen1999

Mike Harris:
[a good time later] The thing is we're banking on this road but what if it doesn't happen?

Brian Morgan:
I thought it was a dead cert.

Mike Harris:
Our company needs...

Geoff Tipps:
PLUMS!

Brian Morgan:
You what?

Geoff Tipps:
It's plums, go on.

Brian Morgan:
Oh Geoff, it doesn't matter now.

Geoff Tipps:
Course it bloody matters! He's right near the end. There's only the Irish man left. Come on Brian. The chief turns to the Irish man, "Death or Mau Mau."

Mike Harris:
You didn't do the voice.

Geoff Tipps:
Don't matter. Finish it.

Brian Morgan:
I can't remember.

Geoff Tipps:
Finish it.

Brian Morgan:
I can't remember it Geoff.

Geoff Tipps:
Please.

Brian Morgan:
Geoff. I honestly can't remember.

Geoff Tipps:
[crying] It's just a big bloody joke to you isn't it? Oh, Geoff can't tell a joke. Geoff is a joke. Geoff enters a talet competition and loses. Me mam said I would win. I was only eight. WELL YA KNOW I'VE GOT THIS GUN DON'T YA?

Geoff Tipps:
[pulls out gun] Oh you're listening now. Well you, are going to tell this joke. [looks around him] And we're all gonna laugh. Or Mike gets it! [puts gun to Mike's head]

Brian Morgan:
All right Geoff. For God's sake, I'll finish the joke. The chief says "Death or Mau Mau", the Irish man looks at his fruit.

Geoff Tipps:
PINEAPPLES! THEY'RE...

Brian Morgan:
Pineapples! He looks at them and says "I don't think I can stand the Mau Mau, I choose death." And the chief says to him...

Mike Harris:
[Geoff c*cks the gun] Get it right Brian.

Brian Morgan:
He says... I can't remember.

Mike Harris:
He says, "Death by Mau Mau." [pause]

Geoff Tipps:
[calmly] Oh, you heard it?

Mike Harris:
Yeah.