The Middle2009

Tag Spence:
[over phone] Listen, kid, college is fun, but I got a mean case of the V.D. my freshman year.

Frankie Heck:
[to Brick] Take him off speaker. Off speaker.

Tag Spence:
And you know the strains are even worse, so be careful.

Frankie Heck:
Can you get him off speaker? Axl, help your brother get off speaker!

Tag Spence:
Hey, Axl, did you cash in on that Franklin Templeton bond we set up for ya?

Axl Heck:
What?

Tag Spence:
The savings bond Grandma and I got when you were born so you'd have a little spending money. I mean, that thing's got to be worth...

Frankie Heck:
Okay, Dad, we just hit a deer! We gotta go! [hangs up]

Axl Heck:
Did Grandpa and Grandma give me money? Oh, my God, they did. Did you steal my money? Oh, my God, they stole my money.

Mike Heck:
Relax, nobody stole your money. We just, uh... diversified your portfolio into food, clothes, braces.

Axl Heck:
Seriously? You wasted my money on Sue's ugly face? That thing's a black hole. You could throw money at it forever. It's never gonna get better.