The Onion News Network2011

Jim Haggarty:
Now you are such a brave young man Michael; and if what became of a certain other child had witnessed such a crime as you did is any indication: the violent killing of your parents is going to have a profound effect on you for the rest of your life.

Michael McNamee:
I miss them a lot.

Jim Haggarty:
Of course you do, you must feel the need to avenge their deaths and take back your decaying city, right?

Michael McNamee:
Um, I'm just really scared all the time.

Jim Haggarty:
But you know what Michael, you can turn that fear into a weapon against evil. And by taking a terrifying animal as your emblem - like a bat for example - you can make the wicked know what it truly feels like to be afraid.

Michael McNamee:
I don't want to.

Jim Haggarty:
Well sometimes the only way to defeat evil is to become more than a man.

Michael McNamee:
Um, I wanna go back to my grandma's house now.

Jim Haggarty:
Right, she's your Alfred