The Royle Family1998

Jim Royle:
Woah-ho, if you lot take my advice, you won't go near that lavatory for at least half an hour and whatever you do don't strike a bloody match.

Denise Royle:
Dad, we've got company.

Jim Royle:
Well, it's only Dave, he's as bloody bad.

Denise Royle:
Why do you have to announce it every time you go to the toilet.

Jim Royle:
I'm only making polite conversation, what's the do with her?

Denise Royle:
Well, we could do without it, thanks all the same.

Jim Royle:
[to Barbara] And what do you keep buying that bloody cheap toilet paper for? It's cutting my arse to ribbons.

Denise Royle:
Mam, tell him, he's doing it on purpose now.

Barbara Royle:
When I was buying the dear stuff you complained.

Jim Royle:
[taken aback] I didn't.

Barbara Royle:
You did, said you 'may as well wipe your arse on pound notes.

Jim Royle:
[Jim starts to laugh hysterically] Oh, yeah, I did, yeah, I did, yeah.