The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
Ok, this is what we're doing: I'm putting about through a number of cronies that Hewitt's piece was a packet of bollocks, he did it as a favor to Cliff.

Oliver Reeder:
Cliff being...

Glenn Cullen:
Cliff Lawton.

Malcolm Tucker:
Hugh's predesessor. He and Hewitt are as tight as arse cheeks.

Hugh Abbott:
[surprised] Are they now?

Malcolm Tucker:
F*** knows, but that's what we're saying, ok? It's personal, it's backslapping, it's borderline homoerotic, and you are the innocent victim of a nasty media stitch-up. I'm fixing you up with a "Me and My Media" piece with [points to Ollie] your ex Angela Heaney. But, this is a perfect opportunity to show just how clued-up you are, actually! Hughey Abbot, the in-touch guy! You're on the ball! You know the price for a pint of milk! You love HBO imports, VH1, Pixar, you dig the Streets.

Hugh Abbott:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're all great.

Malcolm Tucker:
You've got absolutely no f***ing idea what I'm talking about, do you?

Hugh Abbott:
Yes, I do.

Malcolm Tucker:
Who's the only gay in the village?

Hugh Abbott:
Eddie Grundy. I dunno... No, he has children. Mind you, alot of them do these days! Ben at the Foreign Office...

Malcolm Tucker:
What's a chav?

Hugh Abbott:
Ch... erm...

Malcolm Tucker:
Hugh, what is a chav?

Oliver Reeder:
Come on, you must know this!

Glenn Cullen:
Chav!

Malcolm Tucker:
Chav!

Hugh Abbott:
Just saying "chav" isn't really helpful!

Malcolm Tucker:
This is important stuff, Hugh! Right, we do a weekly digest for the Prime Minister, we boil down the week's television, cinema, music, so on.

Oliver Reeder:
The Zeitgeist tapes.

Malcolm Tucker:
Exactly, the Zeitgest tapes. EastEnders highlights, choice bits from all the reality shows, 10 seconds music videos, that kind of thing.

Hugh Abbott:
That's why the PM always looks so clued-up! I always thought he was jenuenly quite with it.

Malcolm Tucker:
No, no, he's as bad as you, he uses phrases like "with it" as well. Right, I'm gonna bike that over to Terri, watch it, ok? And listen, when you talk to Angela Heaney, remember to stick the boot into Hewitt. I'm putting it about that Cliff offered him two free weeks at his Toscan villa for that piece, ok?

Hugh Abbott:
Ten-four, daddy-o!

Malcolm Tucker:
Hey, hey, hey, this is serious! You've got 24 hours to sort out your policy on EastEnders, right? Or you're for the halal butchers! [Ollie does an imitation of the EastEnders opening music] Even he knows.