The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
You've got that bullshit Watford story covered, yeah?

Jamie:
Yeah.

Malcolm Tucker:
You and I will have a little discussion later!

Jamie:
I think Watford will get bumped by the fact that we're about to hand the nuclear codes to a guy who, every now and then, loses it so bad he needs SatNav to find his own nipples.

Malcolm Tucker:
What are you talking about?

Jamie:
I just thought it was fair to let everyone know about the Tom rumors, you know. How the guy who's about to become Prime Minister chuggs antidepressant like they're f***ing Smints. How the black dog humps his leg and shits in his duvet every four months! I think that they'll bump the Watford walkout.

Malcolm Tucker:
You gone f***ing psycho, son. F***ing psycho. Twat!

Malcolm Tucker:
[cut to Number 10, Nick and Malcolm are both on the phone] The leader of the Nutters is a nutter! Jesus , my niece is funnier than that, she just makes jokes about poo! No, I don't think that they will run with it because it's liveless. It's just as liveless as the Hugh Edwards rumor. Look, it's not my jurisdiction anyway, Nick Hanway looks after Tom, not me. Thanks, bye!

Nick Hanway:
Oh you're not dealing with this then?

Malcolm Tucker:
Yes I am dealing with it, but oficially you're dealing with it, because I don't wanna step on any toes.

Nick Hanway:
Everyone gets down now and again, don't they? Loads of people take antidepressants, millions.

Malcolm Tucker:
Yeah, your potential Prime Minister, for one.

Nick Hanway:
Oh, "your" potential Prime Minister, not "ours".

Malcolm Tucker:
Oh look, don't start with the f***ing semantics sh*t again. You know what I call "semantics"? Wank!

Nick Hanway:
So, what do you say, we bury it?

Malcolm Tucker:
Are you asking me to manage this?

Nick Hanway:
Tom's not sure about you.

Malcolm Tucker:
Yeah, Tom's enormously mental in the head, that's what we've just been discussing.