The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
Right, hi Geoff, don't stand. No no, I mean don't stand against Tom. Now you see what I did there? I was both being funny and also deadly seroius.

Geoff Holhurst:
Now where did you hear that, Malcolm?

Malcolm Tucker:
Never mind where I heard that. The thing is Geoff, you're gonna waste everybody's time...

Geoff Holhurst:
I'm not standing, Malcolm, I'm just trying to start a debate. You know, a policy debate, future direction of the party.

Malcolm Tucker:
...because, first, you've got no credentials. You're so back-bench, you've actually f***ing fallen off. You're out by the f***ing bins where I put you. Secondly, I'm gonna tell the Mirror about all the drinking, and thirdly, I'm gonna tell the Mail about the affair and fourthly, you've got tiny head.

Geoff Holhurst:
No I haven't!

Malcolm Tucker:
Yes you have, it's out of proportions, everybody mentions that! Now, you see, you're shaking it and I can hardly see it move! Are you shaking it now? I can't tell!

Geoff Holhurst:
I'm not standing, ok! My head is the right size!

Malcolm Tucker:
It's very petite. So you're not standing? You will not stand against Tom?

Geoff Holhurst:
I said, I've bloody said!

Malcolm Tucker:
OK. Thank you Geoff, let's have lunch sometime, yeah? Have a t?te-?-tiny-t?te.

Geoff Holhurst:
Jesus!