The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
Right, hi Geoff, don't stand.

[Holhurst sits back down]

Malcolm Tucker:
No no, I mean don't stand against Tom. Now you see how I did that? I was both being funny and also deadly serious.

Geoff Holhurst:
Now where did you hear that, Malcolm?

Malcolm Tucker:
Never mind where I heard that. The thing is Geoff, you're gonna waist everybody's time...

Geoff Holhurst:
I'm not standing, Malcolm, I'm just trying to start a debate. You know, a policy debate, future direction of the party.

Malcolm Tucker:
...because, first, you've got no credentials. You're so back-bench, you've actually f***ing fallen off. You're out there by the bins. Secondly, I'm gonna tell the Mirror about all the drinking, and thirdly, I'm gonna tell the Mail about the affair and fourthly, you've got tiny head.

Geoff Holhurst:
No I haven't!

Malcolm Tucker:
Yes you have, it's out of proportions, everybody mentions that! Now, you see, you're shaking it and I can hardly see it move! Are you shaking it now? I can't tell!

Geoff Holhurst:
I'm not standing, ok! My head is the right size!

Malcolm Tucker:
It's very petite. So you're not standing? You will not stand against Tom?

Geoff Holhurst:
I've said, I've bloody said.

Malcolm Tucker:
OK. Thank you Geoff. Let's have lunch sometime, yeah? Have a tete-a-tiny-tete.

Geoff Holhurst:
Jesus!