The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
[coughing after smoking a cigar] Oh... That's like smoking dead skin, that is!

Jamie:
It's not a proper cigar! Proper cigars are those big Cuban whoppers, that is just a jumped up fag.

Malcolm Tucker:
[Ollie comes over] Talking of which.

[to Ollie]

Malcolm Tucker:
Do you fancy a cigar? I promise I won't tell any of the other prefects.

Jamie:
Hand-rolled on a thigh of a Cuban virgin with big tits and four kids.

Oliver Reeder:
Yeah, thanks. Malcolm, I just wondered if we could have a quick word, actually. The Opposition have got the week at the coalface idea, they're gonna do it.

Jamie:
Who? When?

Oliver Reeder:
Peter Mannion, I don't know when.

Malcolm Tucker:
How the f*** did they get that? Your f***ing girlfriend! Jesus Christ!

Jamie:
You should have dumped that mad b*tch ages ago!

Oliver Reeder:
I would have done, I would have done, she IS mad, she's a mental woman but you two kept telling me to go out with her and stay going out with her just in case I found anything else!

Jamie:
And what did you find out? That you've been leaking intelligence to them? You're the f***ing shittest James Bond ever! You're David f***ing Niven!