Tom Goes to the Mayor2004

The Mayor:
[Tom is unconscious in a dumpster] Thomas! Tom-boy! Tom! Tom, are you okay?

Tom Peters:
Oh, wow...

The Mayor:
It's okay... I'm gonna hold up your head for you.

Tom Peters:
...think I hit my head... wh... where am I? What time is it?

The Mayor:
Well... I've been keeping you in this dumpster for weeks now. Found this vest on a hobo and put it on you to keep you warm, 'cause you've been way too tender to move.

Tom Peters:
Oh. Okay. What's that smell?

The Mayor:
Tom, what you're probably smelling is the cat food. I've been coming by every night to feed you, and since you're unconscious, I would take a dollop of the wet cat food and stick it in your mouth and then move your jaw up and down like a chewing motion. [Tom gags] But in that process, some of the cat food fell out onto your lips and your face and it hardened a little bit in your hair and on your shirt.

Tom Peters:
Okay. Right.

The Mayor:
C'mon now, don't worry. I'll carry you over.

Tom Peters:
I think I have B.M. in my pants.