Two and a Half Men2003

Charlie Harper:
You've been to couples counseling, right?

Alan Harper:
Yeah. Why?

Charlie Harper:
I'm going with Chelsea and I need to know what I'm getting into.

Alan Harper:
Oh, you're going to love it.

Charlie Harper:
I am?

Alan Harper:
Absolutely. Once a week, you sit on a couch with your significant other while she snips off your testicles, reaches up inside your chest cavity and goes like this [flicks his finger several times] to your heart.

Charlie Harper:
[grimacing] That doesn't sound very good.

Alan Harper:
[grinning maniacally] Oh, it's horrible! But it's worth it, because you're paying a stranger to watch while your life goes down the toilet. Along with your money, and your house, and your car, and [shouting] every last shred of your self-respect!

Charlie Harper:
You know, maybe you're not the right guy to ask.

Alan Harper:
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm the perfect guy to ask. When Judith and I started, we were just a couple with a few problems. When we finished, [shouting] I came to live on your couch! God BLESS couples counseling!