5th Annual End of the World Tour2007

[at the funeral home, making preparations for his father's funeral]

Christopher Titus:
[as the funeral home director] "Mr. Titus, we are so sorry for your loss. Did your father have any specific wishes on how he wanted to be buried?"

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
[stammering] "Uh-huh." And I look at my sister, and before I can say a word, she goes "You tell it."

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
And the guy knew I had a TV show, so he showed the most expensive caskets they make. The guy shows me a seventeen *thousand* dollar platinum casket...

[pause]

Christopher Titus:
With a DVD player in it.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
Why? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I went "What?" And the little lid that they open to view it, they put these headress monitor things in, it's a big one about this big. You can play a tribute video to the person in the casket while they're laying in the casket.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
And all I could think was "My God, my family is so gonna fight over that DVD player."

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
And I said, "That's nice, um, but my dad didn't want to be buried in any metal. Or wood."

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
"Um, do you have something, uh... corrogated?"

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
"Pardon me, sir?"

Christopher Titus:
"Cardboardy-er."

Christopher Titus:
"Excuse me?"

Christopher Titus:
"Cardboard. My father said he wanted to be buried in a cardboard box." And the man had obviously never heard this sentence before, because his face went into a epileptic seizure. Frankly, it looked like he tasted butt.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
And my brother Dave tries to help. My brother Dave goes "hey, hey, hey. Not like a refrigerator box. Something *nice*!"

[laughter]