Achmed Saves America2014

Hassan:
[in a low sneering growl of restrained fury and disgust] Achmed! **Why** are you still ALIVE?

Achmed:
[in cheerful imperturbability] Nice talking to you, too!

on-camera crowd:
[cheering on the trivia-quiz show on Hussan's TV in the background] Wheel - - Of - - TORTURE!

Hassan:
I should have heard a BIG BOOM by now! You have worked for us for T'REE YEA'S now, and you STILL haven't killed INFIDEL ONE! I swear - - you are da most useless suicide bomber in da ENTIRE WORLD!

Achmed:
Not to worry, Hussan - - I will get it right this time.

Hassan:
Achmed! You blundering EEMbecile! Are you forgetting that you BLEW UP OUR TRAINING CAMP? Da only t'ing left was da MONKEY BAHS!

older of two observing chimps:
[contemptuously watching a line of terrorist-trainees awkwardly swinging themselves along by their hands from underneath the tubular metal framework] Oh, puh-lease - - we are SO-O-O much better at this stuff than they are!