Ball in the House2001

[first lines]

JJ:
I've never been so drunk I couldn't drive. I've been so drunk I couldn't climb stairs; I've been so drunk I couldn't get my fly open and instead I tried to pee down my leg through the cuff; but, I've always been able to drive home afterwards. So, I'm pretty cooked... but it's a freeway. Who can f*** up a freeway? I mean you get on the ramp and off you go. But, then, the world's full of a**holes and, sure enough, about six miles from my home I net one. He's driving north on the south road, high beams on, screamin' towards me. I shwerve left, and thish wing nut swerves right. We meet at the guard rail. I end up in a plaster suite, and this sauced banker bastard, who guzzled down one too many at his country club social, miraculously drives ten miles the wrong way, without another car in sight, like he's looking for me. Sends me through the windscreens into the arms of friendly Officer Waters and my step pop. I don't think the prick even spilled his drink.