Eddie Murphy: Delirious1983

Eddie Murphy:
[as his drunk father] Gus! Gus, can i ask you a question? Come here, let me ask you a question, Gus? Gus, let me ask you a question. Gus, why's the fire so big? Why did you made the fire so big, Gus? Look at this sh*t. It's a motherf***in ridiculous, Gus. The fire's too motherf***in big! Why? You come over every motherf***in years, Gus and you burned down my motherf***in backyard. WHY? I'm cookin motherf***in hamburgers and franks! I'm not cookin the motherf***in brontosaurus burger in this motherf***er. This ain't the motherf***in Flinstones, Gus. It's my HOUSE, motherf***er! Look at Charlie standing over there with third degree burns on him, eatin a motherf***in frank. It doesn't make. No, you take things too far, Gus. You take things too far. I tell you to an inch, you go three inches. I tell you four inches, you go five. Give a n*gger a rope like them cowboys, Gus. Why dont you listen?

[to Eddie]

Eddie Murphy:
Oh,Eddie, get the motherf***in dog away from my plate. I'm gonna shoot this dog! I'm gonna shoot the mother - shut up! I'm gonna shoot it. Stop crying. Stop crying, Eddie, cause you'll get the f*** out. You'll get the f*** - I know your seven. I know your seven. But you'll be a seven-year-old-wakin-the-dog-with-no-house-motherf***er! You know it is cause it's mine, motherf***er and I hate this motherf***in dog. Cause you never answer the dog, you don't spend time with the dog, Eddie! You dont feed the motherf***er! You don't pet it! You even don't know the f***in dog's name is anymore, do you? The dog dont give a f*** cause he doesn't know his name. The dog is is three years old, dont know his name. Watch this. Coco? Where the f*** is he going? The dog stupid cause you don't spend time with the motherf***er. And I'm supposed to work hard all day and come home and feed motherf***in dog? F*** no! I am not feeding the motherf***er. You know, Eddie, when nobody's home, you know what I do? I walk to the dog and I kick the motherf***er. I kicked the motherf***in dog with everything I got, Eddie. I did and I giggled my motherf***in ass off cause I hate the motherf***er. Cause you don't clean up behind it. Why can't you clean up the motherf***in - This aint Scooby Doo, motherf***er! Why can't you clean the dog? The dog shits all over the house and when no one tells you, Eddie, you dont clean the sh*t. You let the sh*t stay forever. This sh*t has been in the den for six months, Eddie. It has been in the den for six months and when you kids go passed it, you act like you dont see it unless you told you wont clean the sh*t. The sh*t is hard as a rock now. It's like motherf***in furniture in there. I went in there last week to watch the fight and i said "F*** it" and put my drink on top of it, Eddie. It's a coffee table now! Why cant you clean up sh*t! My friends came over and go "Oh, that's lovely" and I was like "That's not lovely, it's a piece of SH*T! Cause my children don't listen!"