Neely O'Hara: Who are ya hiding from, Helen? The notices couldn't have been that bad.
Helen Lawson: The show just needs a little fine tuning.
Neely O'Hara: Don't worry, sweetheart. If the show folds I can always get a part as understudy for my grandmother.
Helen Lawson: Thanks. I already turned down the part you're playing.
Neely O'Hara: Bull! Merrick isn't that crazy.
Helen Lawson: You oughta know, honey, you just came out of the nuthouse.
Neely O'Hara: It was not a nuthouse!
Helen Lawson: Look. They drummed you right outta Hollywood! So ya come crawlin' back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now you get outta my way, I got a guy waitin' for me.
Neely O'Hara: That's a switch from the fags you're usually stuck with!
Helen Lawson: At least I never had to MARRY one!
Neely O'Hara: YOU TAKE THAT BACK...
Neely O'Hara: ... oh my God, it's a wig! HER HAIR'S AS PHONY AS SHE IS!
Helen Lawson: Get your hands off of me... GIMMIE BACK MY HAIR!
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