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[Ted is explaining his idea for a new TV series which features twin brothers who are civil engineers]Elliot Nichols: You're on slightly shaky ground here, son. Who play the brothers?Ted: How do you mean?Roland: What actors are you proposing?Ted: Actors? I dunno. I haven't really thought about actors. The brothers' characters...Phil Parish: Ted, Ted, love, with respect, sod the characters. What you have to...Ted: But the whole story revolves around...Roland: Sod the story. Who are the stars? The big names.Elliot Nichols: That's the bottom line. If you want to get your series on TV, 1: get your stars; 2: make it about police, detectives or doctors. OK?Phil Parish: These twin brothers, Ted. Which one's gay?Ted: They've got girlfriends.Roland: Are *they* in the police?Ted: No.Phil Parish: And one of *them's* gay?Ted: No.Roland: It's no good for Channel 4, then.Elliot Nichols: So hang on. Let me get my head around this? Who's shagging who? Is one of the brothers shagging the other brother's bird?Ted: No, there is no shagging.Roland: No good for ITV, then. Or the BBC. Or Channel 4. Or Five.Phil Parish: [Phil's watch alarm bleeps] Ah. I better go. Busy busy. I hope that's helped.Ted: The brothers are building this bridge, right. You see the thing about this bridge is...Roland: Ted, TV is quizzes or cooking or gardening or DIY or drama. And drama! is either handcuffs or stethoscopes. Not about building bridg! es. Your idea's a bit too avant-garde.Elliot Nichols: And it'll still need stars, detectives and doctors.Roland: And shagging.Elliot Nichols: And shagging. Never underestimate the intelligence of the viewing public.

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