Ready When You Are Mr. McGill2003

[Ted is explaining his idea for a new TV series which features twin brothers who are civil engineers]

Elliot Nichols:
You're on slightly shaky ground here, son. Who play the brothers?

Ted:
How do you mean?

Roland:
What actors are you proposing?

Ted:
Actors? I dunno. I haven't really thought about actors. The brothers' characters...

Phil Parish:
Ted, Ted, love, with respect, sod the characters. What you have to...

Ted:
But the whole story revolves around...

Roland:
Sod the story. Who are the stars? The big names.

Elliot Nichols:
That's the bottom line. If you want to get your series on TV, 1: get your stars; 2: make it about police, detectives or doctors. OK?

Phil Parish:
These twin brothers, Ted. Which one's gay?

Ted:
They've got girlfriends.

Roland:
Are *they* in the police?

Ted:
No.

Phil Parish:
And one of *them's* gay?

Ted:
No.

Roland:
It's no good for Channel 4, then.

Elliot Nichols:
So hang on. Let me get my head around this? Who's shagging who? Is one of the brothers shagging the other brother's bird?

Ted:
No, there is no shagging.

Roland:
No good for ITV, then. Or the BBC. Or Channel 4. Or Five.

Phil Parish:
[Phil's watch alarm bleeps] Ah. I better go. Busy busy. I hope that's helped.

Ted:
The brothers are building this bridge, right. You see the thing about this bridge is...

Roland:
Ted, TV is quizzes or cooking or gardening or DIY or drama. And drama! is either handcuffs or stethoscopes. Not about building bridg! es. Your idea's a bit too avant-garde.

Elliot Nichols:
And it'll still need stars, detectives and doctors.

Roland:
And shagging.

Elliot Nichols:
And shagging. Never underestimate the intelligence of the viewing public.