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Robin Williams: People go "now, Robin, how do I know if I'm an alcoholic?" Well as one, let me give you some warning signs. Number one, after a night of heavy drinking, you wake up fully clothed going "hey! Somebody shit in my pants!"[laughter]Robin Williams: Number two, you have a couple of cocktails, you find yourself on the freeway going "what are these f***ers doing going the wrong way?"[laughter]Robin Williams: Number two. Number three, you get drunk, you go out for Indian food, you wake up in Bombay with a camel licking your balls.[laughter]Robin Williams: Ta da! You are an alcoholic! And some people say "Robin, I'm a *functioning* alcoholic!" Which is, you can be one. It's like being a paraplegic lap dancer.[laughter]Robin Williams: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

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