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Ted: [Performing the voice of "Ted", who is digitally-inserted into the broadcast] Boy, this is pretty cool, huh? You and me at the Academy Awards!Himself - Presenter: This is insane, dude.Ted: Heh, look at all this talent. All this talent in one spot! There's, uh, there's Daniel Day-Lewis... There's Alan Arkin... There's Joaquin Phoenix. And you know what's interesting? All those actors I just named are part-Jewish.Himself - Presenter: Oh, okay...Ted: What about you? You got a "berg" on the end of your name, are you Jewish?Himself - Presenter: Am I Jewish? No, actually I'm Catholic.Ted: [Whispering] Uh, wrong answer. Try again!Himself - Presenter: What?Ted: Look, you wanna work in this town or don't ya?[speaking aloud to the audience]Ted: Uh, that's interesting, uh, Mark, because I am Jewish.Himself - Presenter: No you're not!Ted: I am! I am! I was born "Theodore Shapiro", and I would like to donate money to Israel and continue to work in Hollywood forever. Thank you, I am Jewish.Himself - Presenter: You're an idiot.Ted: Oh, well, we'll see who the idiot is when they give me my private plane at the next secret synagogue meeting.Himself - Presenter: Look, I'm not doing a sequel with you, okay? And the nominees for Best Sound Editing are:[Ted reads the nominees]Himself - Presenter: And the Oscar goes to...[opens envelope and looks back up at audience]Himself - Presenter: We have a tie... No BS, we have a tie.[announces the winners]

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