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Malcolm Tucker: [reading a newspaper] "While Foster jets around at the taxpayer's expense, his constituent's wall is collapsing and he doesn't give a shit!"Simon Foster: It doesn't say that.Malcolm Tucker: No, but it does say "Wall-ace and Gromit"!Simon Foster: Wall-Ace, though!Malcolm Tucker: You're being portrayed as the biggest twat in Northamptonshire, and that's going, son! I've got bigger fish to fry, believe me. I'm giving this to someone else. [shouts outside his office] Jamie!Simon Foster: Ah, the crossest man in Scotland.Jamie MacDonald: [enters the office] Well, if it isn't Humpty Numpty!Simon Foster: What is this? Surround bollocking?Jamie MacDonald: Hey, with all due respect I wasn't finished. If it isn't Humpty Numpty, sitting on top of a collapsing wall like some clueless... egg cunt. Now I'm finished.Simon Foster: Hi, Jamie! This is Toby!Toby Wright: Hi, I'm Simon's aide.Jamie MacDonald: Toby, very nice to meet you, please, sit down. Right, that's enough all the f***ing Oxbridge pleasantries!Toby Wright: What's Oxbridge about saying hello?Jamie MacDonald: SHUT IT, Love Actually! Do you want me to hole-punch your face?!Malcolm Tucker: Right, I'm off to deal with the fate of the planet. Be gentle with them!Jamie MacDonald: You know me, Malc, kid gloves, but made from real kids.Malcolm Tucker: Haha. [leaves.]Jamie MacDonald: Right. Butch and Gaydance, this wall story is playing badly, there's a cartoon in here of you as a walrus!Simon Foster: A walrus? I'm not fat, I don't even have a moustache. F***, they've given me tusks!Jamie MacDonald: Wall-rus? Do you get it? Wall-rus. Wall-rus.Toby Wright: Well, we called some builders, they didn't turn up-Jamie MacDonald: Well, what did you expect?! THEY'RE BUILDERS! Have you ever seen a film where the hero is a builder? NO! IT'S 'CAUSE THEY NEVER F***ING TURN UP IN THE NICK OF TIME! Bat-builder?! Spider-builder?! That's why you never see a superhero with a hod!

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    Quiz

    Are you a quotes master?

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    "Who steals my purse steals trash; But he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed."
    A Marcus Aurelius
    B lincoln
    C Julius Caesar
    D Othello