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Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out... [People cringe back and a woman faints. As he pulls out a letter instead of you-know-what, people sigh - almost sounding disappointed] Bart: ...By the power invested in me by the honorable William J. Le Petomane... [People start cocking guns and pointing them at Bart] Bart: ...I hereby assume the duties of sheriff in and for the township of Rock Ridge. Reverend: Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not let anger rule the day! [waving Bible] As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to say! [A hole is shot through the Bible; the Reverend turns to Bart] Reverend: Son, you're on your own. [The people are about to shoot Bart at his opening speech until he takes himself hostage] Bart: [in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! The next man that makes a move, the nigger gets it. Dr. Johnson: Hold it men, he's not bluffing! [all but Howard Johnson drop their guns] Dr. Samuel Johnson: Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it! Bart: [still gruffly, to Howard] Drop it, or I swear I'll blow this nigger's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [minstrel voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he SAY...! [Howard slowly drops the gun] [Bart slowly moving towards the sheriff's office, still holding himself hostage] Harriet Johnson: Isn't anyone going to help that poor man? Dr. Samuel Johnson: Hush, Harriet! That's a sure way to get him killed! Bart: [minstrel voice] Oh, Oh he'p me! He'p me! He'p me! Somebody He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! [gruffly] Shut up! [covers his own mouth, pushes himself into the office] Oh, baby, you are so talented--and they are so dumb!

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