Blazing Saddles1974

Bart:
Excuse me while I whip this out...

[People cringe back and a woman faints. As he pulls out a letter instead of you-know-what, people sigh - almost sounding disappointed]

Bart:
...By the power invested in me by the honorable William J. Le Petomane...

[People start cocking guns and pointing them at Bart]

Bart:
...I hereby assume the duties of sheriff in and for the township of Rock Ridge.

Reverend:
Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not let anger rule the day! [waving Bible] As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to say!

[A hole is shot through the Bible; the Reverend turns to Bart]

Reverend:
Son, you're on your own.

[The people are about to shoot Bart at his opening speech until he takes himself hostage]

Bart:
[in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! The next man that makes a move, the n*gger gets it.

Dr. Johnson:
Hold it men, he's not bluffing! [all but Howard Johnson drop their guns]

Dr. Samuel Johnson:
Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it!

Bart:
[still gruffly, to Howard] Drop it, or I swear I'll blow this n*gger's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [minstrel voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he SAY...! [Howard slowly drops the gun]

[Bart slowly moving towards the sheriff's office, still holding himself hostage]

Harriet Johnson:
Isn't anyone going to help that poor man?

Dr. Samuel Johnson:
Hush, Harriet! That's a sure way to get him killed!

Bart:
[minstrel voice] Oh, Oh he'p me! He'p me! He'p me! Somebody He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! [gruffly] Shut up! [covers his own mouth, pushes himself into the office] Oh, baby, you are so talented--and they are so dumb!