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[Anita is trying to sneak into the house without being heard, but a bell on the door handle falls.] Elaine: Anita? Anita: Hi Mom. Elaine: You hungry? I made soy cutlets. Anita: No thanks, I already ate. [Elaine gets close to Anita's face.] Elaine: You've been kissing. Anita: No I haven’t. Elaine: Yes you have, I can tell. Anita: You can’t tell. Elaine: Not only can I tell I know who it is. [Anita starts to walk away.] Elaine:Whatcha’ got under your coat? [Anita removes the Simon and Garfunkel record she was hiding under her coat, and hands it to Elaine.] Anita: It’s unfair we can’t listen to our own music. Elaine: That is because it is about drugs and promiscuous sex. Anita: Simon and Garfunkel is poetry. Elaine: Yes, it is poetry about drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they’re on pot. Anita: First it was butter, then sugar, white flour, bacon, eggs, bologna; then it was celebrating Christmas, on a day in September, when you knew it wouldn’t be commercialized. What else are you gonna ban? Elaine: I am trying to give you the cliff notes on how to live life in this world. Anita: We’re like nobody else I know! Elaine: [to herself] I’m a college professor, why can’t I teach my own kids. Use me. Anita: Darrell says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I’m a yes person and you are trying to raise us in a no environment! Elaine: Well, clearly no is a word Darrell doesn’t hear often. Anita: [Frustrated and yelling] I can’t live here! I hate you, even William hates you! William: I don’t hate her. Anita: You do hate her; you don’t even know the truth. Elaine: Honey, don’t be a drama queen. Anita: Feck you!! Elaine: Hey!! Anita: This is a house of lies! [Storms off to her bedroom.] Elaine: There it is. Your sister used the F word. William: I think she said feck. Elaine: What’s the difference? William: The letter U.

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