Almost Famous2000

[Anita is trying to sneak into the house without being heard, but a bell on the door handle falls.]

Elaine:
Anita?

Anita:
Hi Mom.

Elaine:
You hungry? I made soy cutlets.

Anita:
No thanks, I already ate.

[Elaine gets close to Anita's face.]

Elaine:
You've been kissing.

Anita:
No I haven’t.

Elaine:
Yes you have, I can tell.

Anita:
You can’t tell.

Elaine:
Not only can I tell I know who it is.

[Anita starts to walk away.]

Elaine:
Whatcha’ got under your coat?

[Anita removes the Simon and Garfunkel record she was hiding under her coat, and hands it to Elaine.]

Anita:
It’s unfair we can’t listen to our own music.

Elaine:
That is because it is about drugs and promiscuous sex.

Anita:
Simon and Garfunkel is poetry.

Elaine:
Yes, it is poetry about drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they’re on pot.

Anita:
First it was butter, then sugar, white flour, bacon, eggs, bologna; then it was celebrating Christmas, on a day in September, when you knew it wouldn’t be commercialized. What else are you gonna ban?

Elaine:
I am trying to give you the cliff notes on how to live life in this world.

Anita:
We’re like nobody else I know!

Elaine:
[to herself] I’m a college professor, why can’t I teach my own kids. Use me.

Anita:
Darrell says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I’m a yes person and you are trying to raise us in a no environment!

Elaine:
Well, clearly no is a word Darrell doesn’t hear often.

Anita:
[Frustrated and yelling] I can’t live here! I hate you, even William hates you!

William:
I don’t hate her.

Anita:
You do hate her; you don’t even know the truth.

Elaine:
Honey, don’t be a drama queen.

Anita:
Feck you!!

Elaine:
Hey!!

Anita:
This is a house of lies! [Storms off to her bedroom.]

Elaine:
There it is. Your sister used the F word.

William:
I think she said feck.

Elaine:
What’s the difference?

William:
The letter U.