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Vanessa: Hey, hands off the merchandise. Wade: Merchandise, huh? So, you, uh... bump fuzzies for money? Vanessa: Yup. Wade: Rough childhood? Vanessa: Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born. Wade: Daddy left before I was conceived. Vanessa: Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin? Wade: Where else do you put one out? Vanessa: I was molested. Wade: Me too. Uncle. Vanessa: Uncles. They took turns. Wade: I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happens to be my– Vanessa: Your bedroom. Lucky, I slept in a dishwasher box. Wade: [gasps] You had a dishwasher? I didn't even know sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix, and clown porn. Vanessa: [laughs] Who would do such a thing? Wade: Hopefully you, later tonight? Hey, what can I get for, [looks at his wallet] uh, $275 and a... Yogurtland rewards card? Vanessa: Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. [takes the rewards card, sticks it in Wade's mouth] And a low-fat dessert.

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