Greg Heffley: OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a journal, not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says "diary" on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
Bully: Sissy! [punches Greg]
Greg: The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
Reporter #1: Gregory! Tell us about your childhood!
Reporter #2: Were you always so smart and handsome?
Greg: Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.
Susan Heffley: That's our boy up there.
Frank Heffley: Why did I ever say no to him?
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