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Mrs. Pilletti: (serving dinner): So, what are you gonna do tonight Marty? Marty: I don't know, Ma. I'm all knocked out. I may just hang around the house. Mrs. Pilletti: Why don't you go to the Stardust Ballroom? Marty: What? Mrs. Pilletti: I say, why don't you go to the Stardust Ballroom? It's loaded with tomatoes. Marty: It's loaded with what? Mrs. Pilletti: Tomatoes. Marty: (laughs) Who told you about the Stardust Ballroom, Ma? Mrs. Pilletti: Tommy. He say it was a very nice place. Marty: Oh, Thomas. Ma, it's just a big dance hall, that's all it is. I been there a hundred times. Loaded with tomatoes - boy, you're funny, Ma. Mrs. Pilletti: Marty, I don't want you to hang around the house tonight. I want you to go take a shave and go dance. Marty: (pleading) Ma, when you gonna give up? You got a bachelor on your hands. I ain't never gonna get married. Mrs. Pilletti: You're gonna get married. Marty: Ma, sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he's gotta face some facts. And one fact I gotta face is that, whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it. I chased after enough girls in my life. I-I went to enough dances. I got hurt enough. I don't wanna get hurt no more. I just called up a girl this afternoon, and I got a real brush-off, boy! I figured I was past the point of being hurt, but that hurt. Some stupid woman who I didn't even want to call up. She gave me the brush. No, Ma, I don't wanna go to Stardust Ballroom because all that ever happened to me there was girls made me feel like I was a-a-a bug. I got feelings, you know. I-I had enough pain. No thanks, Ma! Mrs. Pilletti: Marty - Marty: No. I'm gonna stay home tonight and watch The Hit Parade. Mrs. Pilletti: (said with regret) You're gonna die without a son. Marty: So I'll die without a son. Mrs. Pilletti: Marty, put on the blue suit, huh? Marty: Blue suit, gray suit, I'm just a fat, little man. A fat ugly man. Mrs. Pilletti: You not ugly. Marty: I'm ugly, I'm ugly, I'm ugly! Mrs. Pilletti: Marty - Marty: (He rises, agitated) Ma, leave me alone. Ma, whaddaya want from me? Whaddaya want from me? I'm miserable enough as it is. All right, so I'll go to the Stardust Ballroom. I'll put on a blue suit, and I'll go. And you know what I'm gonna get for my trouble? Heartache. A big night of heartache.

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