Marty1955

Mrs. Pilletti:
(serving dinner): So, what are you gonna do tonight Marty?

Marty:
I don't know, Ma. I'm all knocked out. I may just hang around the house.

Mrs. Pilletti:
Why don't you go to the Stardust Ballroom?

Marty:
What?

Mrs. Pilletti:
I say, why don't you go to the Stardust Ballroom? It's loaded with tomatoes.

Marty:
It's loaded with what?

Mrs. Pilletti:
Tomatoes.

Marty:
(laughs) Who told you about the Stardust Ballroom, Ma?

Mrs. Pilletti:
Tommy. He say it was a very nice place.

Marty:
Oh, Thomas. Ma, it's just a big dance hall, that's all it is. I been there a hundred times. Loaded with tomatoes - boy, you're funny, Ma.

Mrs. Pilletti:
Marty, I don't want you to hang around the house tonight. I want you to go take a shave and go dance.

Marty:
(pleading) Ma, when you gonna give up? You got a bachelor on your hands. I ain't never gonna get married.

Mrs. Pilletti:
You're gonna get married.

Marty:
Ma, sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he's gotta face some facts. And one fact I gotta face is that, whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it. I chased after enough girls in my life. I-I went to enough dances. I got hurt enough. I don't wanna get hurt no more. I just called up a girl this afternoon, and I got a real brush-off, boy! I figured I was past the point of being hurt, but that hurt. Some stupid woman who I didn't even want to call up. She gave me the brush. No, Ma, I don't wanna go to Stardust Ballroom because all that ever happened to me there was girls made me feel like I was a-a-a bug. I got feelings, you know. I-I had enough pain. No thanks, Ma!

Mrs. Pilletti:
Marty -

Marty:
No. I'm gonna stay home tonight and watch The Hit Parade.

Mrs. Pilletti:
(said with regret) You're gonna die without a son.

Marty:
So I'll die without a son.

Mrs. Pilletti:
Marty, put on the blue suit, huh?

Marty:
Blue suit, gray suit, I'm just a fat, little man. A fat ugly man.

Mrs. Pilletti:
You not ugly.

Marty:
I'm ugly, I'm ugly, I'm ugly!

Mrs. Pilletti:
Marty -

Marty:
(He rises, agitated) Ma, leave me alone. Ma, whaddaya want from me? Whaddaya want from me? I'm miserable enough as it is. All right, so I'll go to the Stardust Ballroom. I'll put on a blue suit, and I'll go. And you know what I'm gonna get for my trouble? Heartache. A big night of heartache.