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Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child. Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins. Jack Byrnes: What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson? Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain. Jack Byrnes: It was your idea? Roz Focker: Yes. Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?! Bernie Focker: You people? Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums. Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions? Greg Focker: Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay? Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development. Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here. Greg Focker: Mom... Jack Byrnes: What are you saying? Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers. Jack Byrnes: And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either. Pam Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee. Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do. Roz Focker: Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug. Jack Byrnes: The Little Jack in me? [Greg is getting extremely frustrated] Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? Greg Focker: Mom, stop. Bernie Focker: Key question! Roz Focker: My guess is no. Jack Byrnes: Would you spare my the drugstore psychology? Greg Focker: [everyone starts arguing] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! [the arguing stops] Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

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