Meet the Fockers2004

Jack Byrnes:
I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.

Greg Focker:
It was Barry Poppins.

Jack Byrnes:
What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?

Roz Focker:
Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

Jack Byrnes:
It was your idea?

Roz Focker:
Yes.

Jack Byrnes:
What is wrong with you people?!

Bernie Focker:
You people?

Dina Byrnes:
I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.

Jack Byrnes:
Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

Greg Focker:
Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?

Jack Byrnes:
He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development.

Roz Focker:
The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

Greg Focker:
Mom...

Jack Byrnes:
What are you saying?

Roz Focker:
I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers.

Jack Byrnes:
And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.

Pam Byrnes:
Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee.

Jack Byrnes:
I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

Roz Focker:
Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

Jack Byrnes:
The Little Jack in me? [Greg is getting extremely frustrated]

Roz Focker:
Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed?

Greg Focker:
Mom, stop.

Bernie Focker:
Key question!

Roz Focker:
My guess is no.

Jack Byrnes:
Would you spare my the drugstore psychology?

Greg Focker:
[everyone starts arguing] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! [the arguing stops] Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.