[Shrek and Puss in Boots search the hallways, looking for Artie]
Shrek: Oh, Arthur, come out, come out, wherever you are!
[Off-screen we hear mumbling from inside a locker. Shrek and Puss in Boots look as Donkey bursts out of the locker. He has been stuffed inside. Off-screen we hear some students laughing]
Donkey: [angrily] Yeah, you better run, you little punk no-goodniks! 'Cause the days of little Donkey Dumpy Drawers are over!
[An "I Suck-eth" sign has been taped to Donkey's butt. Shrek spots students entering the Gymnasium. They approach a hall monitor who stops them]
Hall Monitor: Hold it.
[Two mascot costumed students walk up to the hall monitor]
Student 1: We're here for the mascot contest.
Student 2: Grr!
[The hall monitor waves them in. Shrek gets an idea]
Shrek: [pleased with himself] We're here for the mascot contest, too.
Hall Monitor: [suspicious] This is a costume? [reaches out and starts painfully pinching and pulling Shrek's skin]
Shrek: [trying to hide the pain] Ay! Worked on it all night long. [struggling not to scream in agony]
Hall Monitor: [lets Shrek's face snap back into the place, and still suspicious] Looks pretty real to me.
Puss in Boots: If he were real, could I do this? [he throws his Batarangs deep into Shrek's butt]
Donkey: Or this? [kicks Shrek hard in the groin with his hind legs]
Shrek: [winces, sweats, and unbelievably strained] If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful.
Donkey: Now watch this!
Shrek: [interrupting; through gritted teeth] That's quite enough, boys.
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