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Malory Archer: To wit, once again you're off on one of your usual self-pitying benders.Sterling Archer: It's not a usual one, Mother. In case you forgot, I was forced into becoming a parent against my will.[Archer's room is a mess: empty drink containers, food containers, and clothes strewn around the room, frames hanging askew on the wall along with splatter stains and hand prints; a golf cart and a complete bunch of bananas just inside the door; and a baby muntjac]Malory Archer: [scoffs] Join the club. But for god's sake, six weeks is long enough.[muntjac barks]Sterling Archer: Really? It's been six weeks?Malory Archer: Yes, so sober up and get some penicillin shots, because...Lana Kane: Is that Archer?Sterling Archer: Is that Lana?Lana Kane: [simultaneously] Let me talk to him.Sterling Archer: [simultaneously] Let me talk to her.[Malory holds the phone away from Lana]Lana Kane: [loudly so the phone could pick her up] So, why'd you run away when you were so excited about being a father when A.J. was born? Did reality set in?Sterling Archer: I- Wait, was that rhetorical?Sterling Archer: [feeding the muntjac a banana] Because the next time you decide to use somebody's sperm to impregnate yourself, then maybe *that* decision should *include that other somebody*![muntjac barks, leaps away, and crashes into something]Lana Kane: Who? "That other somebody" who runs away at the thought of responsibility and, as we speak, is up to his eyeballs in cobra whiskey and ladyboy hookers?Sterling Archer: [laughs] Oh, that is- that is...[Archer notices he's about to take a swig from the bottle of said cobra whiskey]Sterling Archer: You don't know me!Lana Kane: Ha![twittering laughter is heard coming from the bathroom]

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