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Daria Morgendorffer: ...so that's it. Of all the guys in the world to kiss, I pick the one who's going out with my best friend. Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Oh.Daria Morgendorffer: I didn't mean it that way.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Oh. Well, it's not easy being a teenager, Daria. You have all these new feelings and sensations...Daria Morgendorffer: Mom, spare me the puberty speech. I kissed my best friend's boyfriend.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: I'm sure it was just a one-time...Daria Morgendorffer: Twice.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: [sighs] It's a lousy situation, Daria. But you didn't set out to hurt anyone.Daria Morgendorffer: Neither do those bus drivers who go flying off an embankment on their way to the casino.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Daria... nobody got killed.Daria Morgendorffer: No, but I can't imagine how I could have hurt Jane more.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: What about Tom?Daria Morgendorffer: I'm not thinking about Tom! [sighs] You know... I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great, but I could deal with school, I could deal with home, and now nothing's under control.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: It never is, sweetie. We just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function.Daria Morgendorffer: Who came up with that stupid arrangement?Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: It's called life.Daria Morgendorffer: Life sucks.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Yes. Sometimes... often.Daria Morgendorffer: *That's* reassuring.Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: But it still beats the alternative. Honey, things will work out. I don't know how, but they will.Daria Morgendorffer: You don't know how? What kind of parental wisdom is that?Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Honest?Daria Morgendorffer: Don't you have to be getting back to that huge case of yours?Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Oh, don't worry about that. It's completely under control.

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