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The Captain: [At his study, The Captain talks to Ted about Zoey leaving him for another man] Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy, blissful as Arcadian shepherds. I was Poseidon, she my Amphitrite. I dare say, not even Scylla and Charybdis could not have torn us asunder. We had great big boners for each other! But then, enter the scoundrel. [imagines scene of Zoey watching horror movie with half-naked thick moustached version of Ted]Zoey Pierson: Oh man, this movie is scary.Ted Mosby: [Scoundrel Ted] I know, right?The Captain: [Back in reality] I don't know who he is, but I pictured him with a mustache.Ted Mosby: Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart.The Captain: Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. She told me she was in love with someone else. Obviously, it made me angry.Ted Mosby: And the, that was the last time you saw her...The Captain: ...but I gathered my composure and told her I'd do anything to keep her. I begged her not to leave. We made love that night...Ted Mosby: [spits out drink] It's damned good brandy.

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